Yes, You Really Should Drop Out of College and Attend a Distance University

10. You sleep through your classes at state university anyhow. You know every freshman gets the 8 and 9 a.m. classes. Seriously, when was the last time you actually got UP at that hour? Staying up on an all night binge drinking "contest" does not count as credit for a course, and is probably not going to help your concentration. In most online college settings, class times are very flexible. One of the best parts of learning online is that you can forever remain a night owl.

9. Your girlfriend dumped you and internet porn is much cheaper than dating. Girls are kind of over rated anyhow. Sure she was pretty hot, but have you seen Jessica Alba fakes? I mean, who needs the drama of telling a girl her outfit DOES make here look a bit pudgy when there's mountains of free hot women just waiting to stare blankly back at you and give you no guff. Even if you're not AT college, you can always live in a college town and troll for girls. If they reject you, Jenna will ALWAYS love you.

8. Your RA does weekly firedrills at 3 AM. Yes. Every week. Just when you got to sleep an hour ago with one leg on the floor after the room quit spinning, your ever safety conscious resident advisor decides that last weeks response time (and the week before that) just wasn't good enough. No one's going down in flames – not on his watch.

7.You were banned from the women's dormitory They tend to frown on underwear stealing, and the fake beard never seems to get you past the dorm monitor who was one of the previous owners of your now prized pink silky thong collection.

6. After your 3rd MIP, they made you take the "sick pill" Yes, the legal age for drinking should probably be lower, and everyone does it, but the judge was not a fan of your 10 minute self defense tirade. You have finished your 12 steps and made amends – but the pill they gave you to keep you from drinking makes you nauseous if you even step foot in a fraternity. Learning something new on the computer seems like a better option than joining a convent.

5. You're constantly getting a contact buzz from your hippy roomate Billy bong thornton throws off some mean second hand smoke, and your hippy nemesis Sunny Karma thinks it's funny to toss the occasional LSD in your contact solution to "free your mind from the spiritual shackles of corporate America's educators". "The man" didn't agree that George Washington was an alien from outer space and JFK was a patsy for freemason conspiracies, thus you'll be repeating history 101 next semester anyways (might as well clear your mind, learn the facts, and study online)

4. If you have a foreign teacher's assistant you can use a screen reader online. Okay, a screen reader probably can't understand accents that thick either, but they don't actually USE TA's for distance learning.

3. Face it, you're not going Ivy League, and every other degree is the same status anyhow. Really, you can meet people on myspace, and laugh at all the suckers paying 5x more than you and are still going to end up in the same crappy jobs in middle America with a helluva a lot more student loans. You'll have the cool car and no debt. They'll have the Datsun and a degree from a "state" college.

2. No one's heard of your expensive private school anyways See above. At least public schools offer some tuition assistance for residence. Did we mention online schools do that as well?

1. It's really easy to cheat and use the internet for online courses Okay, it's not really CHEATING. You're cheating by storing information in your brain ala Bart Simpson. It's an easier way to learn because information retrieval is faster and more precise. Online programs are available in a multitude of different categories, and the advances in online education have made it a great solution versus the old style of institution education. Oh, and your credits will transfer most of the time.

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